Its worth it

From the title, you would think that this is going to be some deeply motivating blog - well, you might be wrong.  Deep in the sense of me asking myself "what am I going to do with this one?"  So here's the story - the other morning Rileyn was in the bathroom with me while I finished up getting ready for school.  She was attempting to fix her own hair.  Side ponytail.  She couldn't quite get all of the hair up.  I told her to lean to the side and it will make all the hair fall over.  She did for a little bit then stopped.  She got frustrated doing it her way.  Then she leaned over again and said "It hurts my side to do this, but it's worth it for cuteness."  She is 6 people.  What in the world.  If you know me well (which I'm guessing you do if you are reading this) then you know this is NOT how I am.  Plain.  Simple.  Very minimal makeup hair etc.  I like fashion.  Don't like shopping for fashion but I like outfits and such.  But this - COME ON!

Where I Belong

This is my new favorite song. Building 429 "Where I Belong"  I know its not "new" but I heard it for the first time this weekend and really like it.  As Christians, we are called to be in the world not of the world.  As humans, we try to fit in - the right clothes, the right school for our kids, the right job, the right friends and so on.  I am guilty of it.  I don't want people looking at me and thinking I am weird - but shouldn't I.  I should have something different that people notice.  We are called to let our light shines - to be different.  Read the words, then google the song and watch it and listen to the words and the music- its really good.

Good stuff :)

Well - today's a first!  I am staying home to grade papers.  :)  I got a small taste of what it would be like to be a stay at home mom and see the family off in the mornings.  I have to admit it was kind of nice.  Trying to figure out how my parents did it.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy my job - most days; however - feeling a little overwhelmed. And of course today - my Bible study title is "Overwhelmed is Underprayed"  Great - it actually was just what I needed.  Not sure this is my calling - to be an English teacher - not that I'm not good at it or try to be the best at it or don't enjoy when my students achieve something they didn't think they could - but I just feel like there is something else - that what I see as my talents/gifts from God are not being used fully.  Deep inside, I want the job that doesn't start until 9 and ends by 3 so that I can get my kids to school and be there to pick them up :) If you know of that job - please let me know :)!
We recently watched the movie Courageous.  I've seen it twice now and both times I got something different from it.  The first time I saw it, I saw how huge not just a dad's role is in the family but how huge the family is. I see on a daily basis kiddos that come from broken homes, girls without dads, guys without dads and some without either and it breaks my heart.  It's like they have a huge hole missing inside them and they look for other things to fill it.  The second time I watched the movie, one key line has stuck with me "My good outweighs my bad"  This is so true - for me at least - not that I do anything "bad" per se but hoping that my good will outweigh my bad.  I find myself comparing myself to others.  Not in the sense of I'm better than her, etc., but more of wow, she does so much more than me, there's no way I'm getting into heaven, I don't do half of what she does.  Anyone else feel this way?  My resolve then is to read, and study and spend time in pray and make that conscious effort to be more Christ-like.  This is out of character for me. I am not flamboyant, or chatty or outgoing.  Very quiet, and reserved and keep to myself (unless you are a referee or a sister and then its a different story)  But if I want others to see Christ in me than he has to be in me and my life would and should be a mirror image of His. And I can know his from reading the word.  I saw a quote the other day (probably from a book - but can't remember which one) that its not how well we know God but how well he knows us.  How true is that.  I know I have seen people that could spit out scripture like it was nothing but were so far from God and it was confusing at the time.  But I soon realized, that just because you know the Bible/God does not mean that He knows you.
On a lighter note, I have lots of pictures to upload, but haven't figured out how to get them from my phone to the computer without syncing the whole thing.  Here's what's going on though:
Bryson is super active in school right now.  He just got added to the student council which is pretty cool.  He still loves to draw and READ!  He reads all the time. He is involved in GT and they have a huge competition coming up in Dallas called Destination Imagination - all I know is that they practice...A LOT!   He is also huge into bball if you can imagine!  Keeps saying he wants to be in the NBA - we do have a back up plan in mind though :)
Keldyn is still as active as ever.  He has developed a love for reading, which is good bc I didn't think he would ever like it.  He and Bryson have both been playing little dribblers and have enjoyed it.
Rileyn is definitely "my girl"  when asked if she wanted to play little dribblers she said no I want to hula hoop.  so that's what she does.  She loves clothes and fashion and playing games (go fish, war, old maid)  She is so animated when she reads - she literally yells when she sees and exclamation mark :)  She has the biggest heart for people!
David is loving his job.  His office just got selected business of the year and insurance agency of the year by the local paper - readers vote.  He is working very hard at learning the business and being the best at it.  He mentioned in passing that he wants all his customers to know he's there for them and that he thinks of each one of them as his grandparent sitting on the other side - and he treats them like that.  He definitely has a heart for people!
OK - a lot to take in - but hey - first time I've had a chance to write :)

Here Lately!

Lately, I have really been struggling emotionally.  I do not regret the decision I made to get out of coaching.  I know that God was calling me to give more of myself to my own children. However, it has been tough. It has been tough because for as long as I could remember all I wanted to do was coach. And if I wasn’t “Coach Schubert” then who was I?  It has been tough being in the classroom for 10 periods a day, when I am so used to being active and outside. It has been tough not being known as the tough coach and merely as the “new English teacher.”  It has been tough seeing my former team have so much success without me.  If I had to describe a perfect day – it would be winning the state tournament with my daughter as the MVP – or is it?  My wish for my children is that they know Jesus and his love and his works.  That they know what family means.  That it’s not ok to sacrifice family time for things that will tarnish and fade.  Holding on to the things that last (from 8 seconds the movie)  This week has been really tough because my old team went undefeated in district and are heading into the playoffs – without me.  But last week, God put some morning devos in front of my eyes just at the right time.  And today, I got the Proverbs 31 devo and it is absolutely perfect:

·      My daughters (children) will be gone all too soon.

·      These years they’re in school will be mere memories before I know it.  I want me listening to them, giving them my full attention, to be a part of those memories.

·      It’s so important we take time for talking, listening and parenting well.

·      Investing in children is a privilege.  Whether they admit it or not, they want us to hear their stories and learn about their days.

·      Pour through me to love on them.

Affirmation that I made the right decision.  That God knew that my kids needed me.  I need to be “MOM” for them.  I need to be there for homework, and talks and girlfriends and practices and dinner on the table – every night!  All the energy and focus I would have put into basketball needs to be put into them – and even though I feel like I haven’t done much of that – I need to put down the papers, get off the computer or the phone and BE THERE for them.  They deserve the best of me for the short period of time that they are with me.  To play with, to laugh with, to grow with.  It won’t be long before they are gone and I am left wishing I had one more day with them.

High Fives for English!

I am working with some students for extra help on their TAKS writing tests....today, I had a couple of boys who were being stubborn "I hate writing - this is boring!" etc, etc.  Then once we got into the activity, they had a change of heart....they were creating a story using hyphenated-modifiers (like...she gave me that oh-no-you-didn't look)  when they finished, they high fived each other.  I stopped them and said "You realize you just high-fived each other over English."  They could see what I was wanting them to get out of it.  THAT'S what makes it worth it - that look of when they get it!

This week - MY OLDEST TURNED 11.  OH MY - totally doesn't seem like it has been that long.  He swears though that he is not 11, he is going to stay 10.  He said turning 11 just means one year closer to having to move out :(  Either I've scared him into the day he turns 18 that I am going to kick them out OR he LOVES us and NEVER wants to leave.  I like the 2nd one better :)

Gifts

This little cutie got in trouble yesterday at school....for talking....two times.  Needless to say she was in big trouble.  We don't do the get in trouble at school thing.  But then the mom in me started wondering.  What if she grows up to be a mute bc she got in trouble for talking when she was little.  I know, I know a little drastic but I want to nurture her into the woman God wants her to be.  SO.....after much thought of how I could handle this, we talked about how people all have different gifts. How her's was obviously talking and how God gave her that big 'ol voice for a reason - that she will one day do mighty things with it.  Later in the evening, she brought it up again. She said she could use her voice for preaching or being a doctor or a vet because you have to talk to people in all of those jobs or even an insurance seller like her daddy bc talking was his gift too :)  So glad that she was able to get that out of our conversation.  We also talked about how at school when the teacher is teaching is NOT the time to use her talking gift :)  Sure do love this girl!

Lessons from Literature

We are reading Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury in my junior English class.  It is funny some of the reactions the students are having.  One student told the class the other day, you're in the book....you just don't know that you are in the book.  It's very odd the amount of insight Bradbury had as far as technology and how our culture would be in the "future;"  one part of the text caught my attention today in particular...it read:

"It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching...."

Any relationship, any job you have, any aspect of your life...comes down to this....did you leave a mark...did people notice you were there...was your fingerprint left - reflections of Christ...that's what it all comes down to.